Talking With College Students: What a Delight!

From an academic standpoint, college students are an absolute pleasure to be around. Their inquisitive minds stir the thoughts of those of us who have passed that remarkable period in our lives. I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to five classes of students about crossdressing in October 2007 and six classes the previous year. Dr. David Knox and his wife, Dd Schacht, of the Sociology Department at East Carolina University in Greenville, NC, invited me to address their students two years in a row. Three of the classes were Introduction to Sociology courses taught by Lecturer Schacht. One class was on Courtship and Marriage and the other on Human Sexuality, both taught by Professor Knox. The total number of students for the two years was over 500.

Seeing Friends Again. The four-hour drive from Myrtle Beach to the university on a Sunday afternoon was pleasant enough. Much of the trip was over rural highways that afforded an opportunity to appreciate the North Carolina countryside. My arrival at the Schacht-Knox home was a most pleasant experience. I was shown to an upstairs bedroom with an adjoining bathroom where I would find rest for the next two nights. Dinner was on the table almost as soon as I arrived. What a delight it was. Dd prepared such outstanding meals. She and David are health conscious and eat foods that are healthful. Well, mostly. Dessert was ice cream!

The free flowing, unconstrained conversation around the table gave us a chance to catch up on each other since last year. Many of the questions about me were related to my crossdressing. The first thing David wanted to know was if I was still married. I am pleased to say that I am, fortunately to the same woman.

I asked about family and found that their daughter is back in college full time this fall. That turned out to be one of the happiest events of the year for the entire family. Our discussion of national and international events, books recently read, movies recently seen and other general topics of interest was both educational and delightful.

Talking With The Students. On Monday morning, I spoke to three classes of Sociology students back to back for about 50 minutes each. The first class began at 9 A.M. with about 30 students. I spoke for between 25 and 30 minutes and then took questions for the remainder of the class time. I told them about my first memory of dressing in female clothes at age 5 and progressed through my teen years to marriage at the tender age of 18. Much of my talk was about my relationship with my wife, her acceptance and sometimes total lack of acceptance of me as a crossdresser. I told them that only my wife and best friend know my true identity as a transgendered person. I noted that when I spoke of suicide a few years ago, my best friend was insistent that I see a therapist. After carefully seeking professional help, I finally found a therapist that has experience in counseling patients with gender issues. His office is about 100 miles away from my home. That therapist told me in the one-hour session I had with him that I was transgendered and that I was more female than male. Wow!

I reported to the students that I retired from the Central Intelligence Agency where I had several interesting jobs. I noted that I am the President of the Citizens Association in the community where I live; the President of Sigma Mu Beta, the local Tri-Ess chapter; and a board member of a charitable organization focused on helping women get out of the sex industry in the Myrtle Beach area. I also noted that I am an active member of the church to which my wife and I belong. Telling of these events was intended to let the students know that crossdressers are interwoven into every part of American society.

As a crossdresser, I told them about being out in public dressed while shopping, eating at restaurants, going to movie theaters, and remaining dressed 24/7 for four or more days while on vacations with my wife. I highlighted some of the events that happened while I was out and about. One such event concerned being stopped by a policeman while on an early morning walk in my neighborhood. The officer who pulled up next to me at 5 A.M., rolled down the window of his police car and said, “Ma’am.” I was scared out of my wits when I saw a policeman, and I started walking briskly away from the patrol car. The policeman turned the car around in what seemed only a split second to block my way. I was afraid to speak to the officer in my female voice so I responded to his questions in full male voice. As he faced me, he was confused seeing a person dressed as a woman but speaking like a man. He alternated between calling me “Ma’am” and “Sir.” Since I am well know in my community, I declined to answer his questions about who I was and where I lived. I kept telling him that I had done nothing wrong. Mercifully, he got a call on his car radio that prompted him to ask me if he let me go would I go home. I said, “Absolutely. You bet.” Later, I learned that the policeman stopped me because he thought I was a prostitute who was streetwalking/cruising to find a client.

Another event I related to the students was about an older man using my head for support while attempting to get out of his seat in a darkened movie theater. It was truly remarkable that my hair stayed in place. (See the article, Theater Event, posted on October 5, 2007 for more details on this scary occurrence.)

Yet another happening that seemed to enthrall the students was about a patrolman who stopped me while I was dressed on my way to a restaurant after a Tri-Ess chapter meeting. I was cited for driving with an expired license tag. The officer who wrote the citation radioed a fellow officer to come to see what he had found. At least that is what I thought happened when a second officer arrived and came to the window of my vehicle to talk with me. Clearly, more than curiosity was at play here. After all, the arresting officer had the driver’s license of a male and there before his very eyes was a female sitting behind the steering wheel, or rather, quite clearly by now, a male dressed in women’s clothes sitting behind the steering wheel. It was time to gawk. When I was permitted to leave the scene, I thought it only appropriate to deal with the entire issue dressed. So I went to the office of the clerk of court dressed as a woman when I had the renewed license tags in hand a few days later. The female clerk referred to me as “Honey” several times during our conversation. Thankfully, the citation was dismissed because the tags were less than 30 days out of date.

Each of the four succeeding classes heard much the same talk. To help me stay on track, I glanced at my notes. The question and answer periods varied from class to class.

Students’ Questions. I thought the questions posed by the students were insightful. Samples of questions follow: “Do you ever forget the role you are in and use the mannerisms and body language of the opposite sex when you in male or female mode?” “You have nicely arched eyebrows. Are you questioned about your feminine eye brows when you present as a male?” “What do you do when you are asked for identification while dressed in female clothing?” “Who knows about your transgenderism?” “What are the benefits to your spouse being married to a transgendered person?” “I’d like to hear how you sound as a man. Would you say a few words in your male voice?” “Which bathroom do you use when you are dressed as a woman?”

Emails from Students. A few days after I spoke to students in the fall of 2006, Dr. Knox forwarded an email to me from one of his female students. Here are her comments: “I was just wondering if our speaker last Tuesday night has an email address. I know that's kind of a risky question, but I just really wanted to let her know that I appreciate her speaking and I was so glad to learn about new things and that people are different and live differently and that’s okay. For some reason I was just really inspired and I feel compelled to let her know to thank her.” This response was indeed gratifying. In our ensuing exchange of emails, I came to believe that this student would likely remember my talk for years to come. Hopefully, her positiveness will in some way benefit other crossdressers with whom she comes into contact later in life.

Here is another email from a student in one of Dd Schacht’s classes: “Hi! I hope this email finds you doing well and back at home safely. I was in Caroline Schacht's class (I am aware you spoke to 6) and just wanted to tell you thanks again for coming to speak with us. Truth be told, I went into that discussion (once I realized who you were) scared to death. All my life I have been PETRIFIED of both trannys and CD's... I now see there is nothing to be scared of...and I reckon' there's nothing wrong with broadening my horizons. Also, I asked you several questions in class and then approached you afterwards and asked you about your ‘birth-given’ name...and I just wanted to apologize if that offended you...I didn't know. Anyways...Thanks again. I learned a lot from you and your presentation.... Ashley.” Apparently, my talk changed this student’s mind about crossdressers. It all adds up to the fact that our effort to educate is worth the commitment it takes, not just for those who hear from us, but for ourselves as well.

Blending In or Not. In the last class of the day, Dr. Knox had me enter the classroom from the rear door, which put me behind the students. He asked the students to take one look at me and then asked them to write on a sheet of paper whether the person they saw is male or female. Of the about 40 students in the classroom, nine identified me as a female. Two others told me afterward that had they seem me elsewhere they would have thought me to be female. Other students may have felt the same way. Well, I’ll accept that about 25 percent of the people who are asked about my sex/gender when I am dressed believe me to be a woman. Truthfully, I’d be happier if that percentage were larger.

Further Conversation With Friends. Dr. Knox and Dd Schacht both told me independently when I asked for their opinion that I pass well in femme clothing. They said that my makeup is applied appropriately to give a feminine appearance, and that my femme voice is fine. Unfortunately for me, my face is a bit of a give away. My chin is a little too prominent. Transsexuals would have that problem fixed through facial feminization. Dr. Knox noted that such a move by me would likely cause my wife to flip out. I agree. Since my CDing is not just about me, I will leave the main parts of my body intact and change only surface features through padding, makeup, hair adornment and hair removal. For sure those things do not make me a woman, but they do give me satisfaction in presenting as one, even if only 25 percent of the people who see me actually think I am female. While out and about, I think the percentage of people who see me as female is closer to 95 percent. It amazes me that sometimes while I am in male mode, I am still called “Ma’am.” There must be something that says to waitresses and clerks, “Female Inside.”

One of the more gratifying moments for me occurred not long before I left the home of my hosts the morning after speaking to their students. Dd told me that she was running around in the living room and kitchen area with her bra showing. She said that she thought to herself, “What if Annette comes walking in here with me dressed like this?” Then she said she thought, “Oh. That would not be a problem because Annette is a woman.” Wow!! To put her comment into perspective, I came to their home dressed as Annette and remained dressed the entire time I was with them. David and Dd have only known me as Annette. For that reason, I believe it is quite natural for Dd to think of me as a woman. It was not so for David, however. He often referred to me using male pronouns during my visit. That works too. As a crossdresser, I am both male and female.

Results. All of this began through an invitation to speak to college students about crossdressing. While I believe such an endeavor is a worthy goal, much more has come about as a result of accepting that invitation as can be seen through the content of this article. I am a blessed person.

Theater Event

It is time for a little catch up. Since I last wrote, many things have happened to me. One of the scariest, but yet a funny occurrence took place while I was on an outing to a movie theater in Hendersonville, NC a few weeks ago. I went by myself to see The Making of Jane, the story of Jane Austin’s life as a famous writer. If you like romantic, reality movies, this is one to see. Because the world in which Austin lived was extremely sexist, Austin was looked down upon as a writer by most of her contemporaries. In spite of the prejudices of her time, Austin was still able in her short lifetime to write four of the most profound, lasting novels ever written.

As the show was ending, I kept my seat to view the credits in the still darkened theater. Without warning, I felt a hand directly on the top of my head. What flashed through my mind was the thought that I was about to have my hair yanked off of my head. Now folks you know what that would mean for a transgendered male-to-female crossdresser. I would have been embarrassed beyond comprehension, and the possibility of being outed by someone who knows me was truly scary.

I quickly grabbed the wrist of the person who had a hand on the top of my head. When I recognized that this was the hand of a man. I said, “Sir, what are you doing?” There was no response. I gripped the man’s wrist as tightly as I could and repeated my question a bit louder. Others in the theater were now turning to see what was going on. This time the man said in exasperation, “It is dark in here and I couldn’t see.” The sound of his weakened voice told me that the hand belonged to an older man.

Miraculously when he took his hand off of my head, my hair stayed in place. As I released my grip on his wrist, I realized the man had used my head for support to help him get out of his seat. I thought, “Gee, perhaps this person should wait until the theater lights came up before getting out of his seat.”

In retrospect, the incident was a bit comical. Here was someone groping for anything he could find to help him get out of a theater seat. Unwittingly he pulled himself to his feet by grabbing the head of a nearby transgendered moviegoer. The man was apparently disoriented and lost in the darkness of the theater. By contrast, the one who aided him to his feet was quite comfortable in that very same darkness. Darkness and closets had served for many years as a means to keep the identity secret of the person under the hair.

I believe my presence in a public places dressed as a female continues to show that I accept myself for the person I am. Caring about being outed also shows fear of what others would think should my identity as a transgendered person become known. Perhaps the latter possibility should not bother me, but it does.
This was one of those moments that made me ask myself, “What on earth am I doing dressed as a female in a public place like a movie theater?” As I contemplated the event, I came to see myself as one trying to work through personal identity issues by meeting life head on. Thankfully, the man in the theater will never know the depth of support needed by the person whose head his hand grasped for support.

Transsexual City Manager To Be Fired

Dear Friends,

Below is a letter that I sent to one of the ministers who spoke against the retention of Steven Stanton as City Manager in Largo, FL this past week. As you will see, this minister does not agree with Stanton's decision to transition from male to female and wants him removed from his position as City Manager.

A little background is in order here. Stanton has served the city of Largo for 14 years as City Manager. By all accounts, he has done an excellent job to earn his annual salary package of $140,000. He manages the 1,200 employees working for the city--a city made up of 76,000 residents. Stanton was outed as a transsexual by some unknown person. When he arrived at work about a week before the Commissioners of the city met to decide his fate, he faced numerous press and TV media representatives. Stanton had planned to announce his transition at a later date. He had only told the Mayor, who supports his decision, and a few department heads on the city staff.

Stanton is married with one child, a 13-year-old boy. He has been through 3 years of therapy in preparation for the transition, which at this point requires Stanton to live as a female for one year prior to gender realignment surgery and breast implants.

The elected Mayor and six Commissioners for the city held an emergency meeting to decide Stanton's fate on Tuesday, February 27, 2007. About 500 people attended the meeting with many speaking to the Commissoners. According to the press, most who spoke asked that Stanton be removed from the position of City Manager. At least two Senior Pastors from local churches spoke against Stanton's retention. One of those pastors, Ron Sanders, represented the Lighthouse Baptist Church, a very fundamentalist congregation. The letter below was sent to him via snail mail. (I could not find an e-mail address for him or for the church he serves.) The other minister, Charlie Martin, represented the First Baptist Church of Indian Rocks, a mega church with an attendance of about 13,000 on a given Sunday morning. Both churches are in Largo, FL. I also sent Martin a letter similar to the one below to Sanders. I have included an exerpt from the letter to Martin to show how he misrepresents himself before the Commissioners and departs from the printed material describing the church he serves.

At the conclusion of the emergency meeting called by the City Commission, the Mayor and one other Commissioner voted to retain Stanton. The other five Commissioners voted to put Stanton on paid leave, the first step in the process of firing Stanton. Step two in the process will likely occur on Tuesday, March 6, 2007. If the vote of the Mayor and Commissioners go as expected, Stanton will be out of a job. (Five of the seven Commissioners, which includes the Mayor, must agree to the removal.)

Quite frankly, I am appalled that Stanton is being fired. Clearly, a phobia is at work here. I sent the Mayor and six Commissioners an e-mail expressing support for Stanton and encouraging them to consider his attributes for the city and not give in to the biases and prejudices of the crowd. According to press reports and people who live in the city, Stanton has worked wonders for the city. During his tenure, the city improved services and kept taxes at one of the lowest levels in the entire state of Florida. That is quite a feat.

Love, Annette


Here is the letter to Sanders:

Reverend Ron Sanders
10539 122nd Ave
Largo, Florida 33773-2204

Dear Reverend Sanders:

I am writing to let you know that I am concerned about the comments you made before the members of the Largo City Commission regarding the employment of City Manager Steven Stanton. I am a life-long Baptist, having joined a Southern Baptist Church when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior at age 13. As a Christian, I served in several Baptist churches in cities along the East Coast where my family and I lived. At various times, I was a Bible teacher of children, youth, and adults. I served on and chaired numerous committees. I am an ordained deacon and continue to be an active member of the church where my family and I live in South Carolina.

Frankly, I am becoming more and more embarrassed to acknowledge my affiliation with Baptists. I believe spokespersons like yourself inaccurately represent Jesus Christ with statements of the type you made at a hearing of the Largo City Commission. According to news articles, you said, ``If Jesus was here tonight, I can guarantee you he'd want him [City Manager Steven Stanton] terminated. Make no mistake about it.'' I am astonished that you put yourself in a position of being the spokesperson for the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ. I do not believe your words were spoken in love, nor do I believe that if Jesus Christ were present in person He would have asked for Stanton’s termination as City Manager, as you contended. The Christ you claim to speak for is not the Christ that I have come to know and love as the one in whom my salvation is guaranteed because I believe in Him. What I am most thankful for is His love for me.

I believe that God’s Holy Word teaches us to love one another no matter who the person is. I failed to see any sympathy or love for Stanton in your remarks.

Just how do we as believers in Jesus Christ serve Him and not give in to our biases and prejudices in situations like this? First, I believe we must put emotion aside. Had you done that, I believe you would have made a more Christ-like presentation before the City Commissioners. Taking the emotion out of an issue is not easy. I know. I have been there many times before. As humans we are emotional creatures. We simply must learn, however, to control our emotions. If we don’t, it is certain that our emotions will control us. Let me note that there is a distinct difference between being passionate about something and uncontrolled emotions. I am afraid emotion got the better of you in your presentation.

Second, we cannot represent others in any forum without their explicate prior approval. Only rarely does the leader of an organization have the prior approval to speak for all of its members. If I were a member of the Lighthouse Baptist Church, you would not have had the authority to speak for me. I would not have given that authority to you or to anyone else on a topic as important to me as the well being of our city. I believe that is true for many members of the church where you serve. At the Commission hearing, you were said to speak for a large group and therefore given 10 minutes to speak as opposed to the 2 minutes others were allowed. You did not deny that you were speaking for others in the Lighthouse Baptist Church. You should have stated that you were speaking for yourself as the Pastor of the Lighthouse Baptist Church. Instead, you wanted your comments to have more force, so you allowed the perception to persist that you were speaking for the entire congregation of the Lighthouse Baptist Church. That was not a humble moment.

Third, just how do we show the love of Christ through our actions and through our words in situations like this? Certainly, we do not do so by being vehement. It is amazing that we Christian conservatives seem to believe that all others must adapt to our form of religion to be “true” Christians. We seem not to be able to show compassion for those who see things differently. How do we think we will ever win non-believers to Christ if we do not show them compassion?

I heard David Edwards, a well-know Christian traveling evangelist, speak a few times in churches where I have been. In one of his talks, Edwards tells of the legalism that persisted in his life by being “religious.” He said he finally realized that Christ was not legalistic and that legalism makes Christians mean. Edwards turned away from religion and legalism and to Christianity in order to more clearly reflect the image of Christ. We would do well to heed Edwards’s example for it is the example that Christ set for us.

If you have read this far with an open mind, I say thank you. If you are ill at reading these words, I ask your compassion. The temptation here is to say, “Just who does this fellow (whom I do not know) think he is telling me his thoughts on my actions?” Well, in truth you may ignore me if you wish. If you care as I do about our calling to represent Christ, I think you will want to at least consider these words. I share these thoughts with you for more than one reason. I doubt any single person’s comments before the Commissioners of Largo on Steven Stanton’s tenure as City Manager persuaded the Commissioners to vote one way or the other on the issue. What really makes all the difference is our ambassadorship of Jesus Christ. Showing compassion for Stanton was, and still is, the right thing to do. We do not need to agree with Stanton’s decision to transition from male to female, but we certainly should show that we care about him as a creation of God and that we strive to further his and other people’s walk with Christ. That, I believe, is what Christ would have done.



Sincerely,


Signed

Here is an exert from the letter I e-mailed to Charlie Martin, pastor of the First Baptist Church of Indian Rocks:

Obviously, you want Stanton fired. According to news articles, you said, ``Stanton's continued employment will be devastating to Largo's reputation and future business interests.'' I think just the opposite. By keeping Stanton on the job, the people of Largo would show that they care about the diversity of their citizens. Stanton is clearly a hard-working, capable leader. Just look at what he has done for Largo in the past 14 years.

Contrary to your comments, business enterprises thrive on diversity. Clearly, a diverse population exists in Largo. The First Baptist Church of Indian Rocks already acknowledges that fact. The banner on one of the Web Sites for the First Baptist Church of Indian Rocks reads, “Located in Pinealls, Florida, only minutes from the beach, our church is growing and a diverse community.” Another reads, “Indian Rocks is a caring, healthy, racially-diverse community, willing to change and take bold risks to spread the message of Christ locally and to the world.”

Doesn’t the leadership of the First Baptist Church of Indian Rocks want to minister to the diverse members of its community? Or is the church to serve only those people of the leadership’s choosing? Just what are the “bold risks” you are willing to take to minister? It appears the church leadership only wants to minister to those with whom they are comfortable.


Sincerely,

Signed

Valentine's Day Sharing

Well, I hope Valentine’s Day brought you the desires of your heart. If you and your sweetie shared your love for each other through some outward expression of the bond that holds you together, you certainly had a joyous day. As for me, my lady gave her presents to me several days in advance. Oh, how blessed I am. She gave me two sets of earrings and a very nice diamond and white gold necklace. I was totally surprised. I got the gifts early because my wife was concerned that I might see the charges on our credit card before Valentine’s Day.

I had no such pressure to give my Valentine’s Day gifts to her early. So I waited. My plan was to buy my wife a nice necklace, but that plan got changed while we were on our way back home to North Myrtle Beach two days before Valentine’s Day. We had spent an enjoyable weekend visiting family in Northern Virginia and were taking our time driving home. Usually we travel I 95 South to I 40 South and then take Highway 17 into North Myrtle Beach. On this occasion, with my wife at the wheel, we continued down I 95 past Fayetteville, NC. We previously had seen several signs on the northbound side of I 95 advertising a Wig Shop in the Fayetteville area. On a whim, my wife suggested that we stop there. She knew that I had purchased a wig dressed as Annette at that shop several months earlier while on an outing to a Tri-Ess chapter meeting.

The interesting thing about my wife’s suggestion to stop is that she occasionally wears a wig that closely matches her own hair. She reserves those wearings for the “I am in a hurry and don’t have time to do my hair” outings. Her own hair is quite beautiful, and truthfully, I would love to have it on my head. On the other hand, my wife looks terrific in a wig similar to her own hairstyle. In fact, she has gotten numerous compliments on her hair when wearing her wig. Depending on who gave her the compliment, she might whisper to them that she is wearing a wig.

As we made our way to the wig shop, my wife said the stop was for her not me. I offered no protest since I was dressed in drab and thought that purchasing a wig would be a bit less than the pleasurable experience I had had before. I am not sure why I felt that way. The saleslady at the wig shop who helped me when I purchased a wig there earlier certainly knew that I was a male dressed en femme. Trying on wigs while en femme for a CD certainly means showing a short male haircut, at least it does for this girl.

Entering this wig shop is a dazzling experience. It literally has hundreds of different style wigs on display. The sheer number of choices was overwhelming to me. Not so for my wife. She eliminated dozens of styles and zeroed in on two short flip style wigs in a very short time. I suggested that she try both on. The sales clerk was helpful in fixing the hair in a manner suitable to my wife. Once my wife was wearing the wig she most preferred, the clerk suggested that she go outside to look at it in a mirror in full daylight. The clerk contended that my wife would get a better impression of the wig seeing it in daylight. I, of course, accompanied my wife on the venture. I must say, a wig does have a different look in daylight. I came to the conclusion that other lighting conditions tend to blend the imperfections in wigs. If a wig looks good in full daylight, then it is going to look good in any other light.

As we purchased the wig, my wife suggested that it be her Valentine’s Day gift. I said OK, but did not tell her that I had additional plans for her Valentine’s Day.

Getting my Valentine’s Day gifts early meant that I could wear those gifts while out and about. The two sets of earrings my wife gave me match each other. One set is has a ¼ carat CZ stone in each earring. They are held on with a small very strong magnet that makes the earrings look like they are for pierced ears. The other set has two dangling CZ stones that clip to my ear in such a way that they also look like they are for pierced ears. While shopping wearing both sets of earrings, I got complements on them and I got Madamed more than usual. I am sure the nice necklace I wore that my wife gave me helped.

Well now, back to the other part of my gift to my wife. When she went out in the morning on Valentine’s Day to a meeting, I got her a dozen deep, dark red roses complete with babies breath and other greenery. To accompany the roses, I got her the first ever humorous card I have given her. She tells me that I am a serious person, so I thought I would lighten the mood with a card. This particular Hallmark card has a bunny rabbit on the front with the words “It’s Valentine’s Day.” Inside it says, “How about a little bouncy bouncy!!?” Well, just let me say, “It worked!”

This was a very enjoyable Valentine’s Day indeed. I hope yours was equally as pleasant.

Contact With Police Officers While En Femme

“What to do when the unexpected happens while dressed en femme?” This is a question we CDs should consider more carefully than we do. It is particularly important to consider what our reaction will be if stopped by a police officer. That has happened to me three times while dressed. On a fourth occasion, I learned the do’s and don’ts from a police officer who was the guest speaker at a Sigma Mu Beta Chapter meeting several months ago.

One of the hot programs on cable television these days draws a lot of viewers by showing real life police situations. The focus of some of the shows is on the drivers of various vehicles fleeing law enforcement’s attempts to stop them, usually for stealing the vehicle they are in or for some traffic violation. One of those who fled police was a CD who had not come to a complete stop at a stop sign. Because he was dressed en femme when the blue light started flashing, he raced to get away. The fear of being discovered dressed in women's clothes was more than he could bare. Running through his mind must have been concerns about his family, friends, and neighbors finding out that he is a CD. There was little doubt that shooting though his mind was the "Oh, my" thought. "What will everyone think.” “I just can't let this happen."

Well, guess what. He got a great deal more than he ever imagined. At the top of the list was unwanted publicity on national television from a helicopter video and from ground videos in several police cars. When the chase finally ended, our panicked CD was forced to lay on the ground outside of his car with panty hose, high heals, and dress all in full view. There was no doubt that viewers were seeing a male dressed in female clothes. What this unprepared CD most feared landed squarely on him because he did not think about the consequences of not stopping when a policeman turns on the blue light. The ironclad rule he, and anyone else for that matter, should keep in mind as an unwavering commitment is to never, never, I do mean never, attempt to get away from a police officer for any reason.

Stopped While Out for a Walk

The first time I was stopped by a policeman, I was out for an early morning walk dressed. It was in the summer and the sun had just come up. This event occurred when my wife only suspected that I might be occasionally dressing en femme. To that point, she had seen a few indications of this behavior, but had not gotten confirmation. Because she is up so late at night, she sleeps well into the morning. While she slept this particular morning, I rose at 4 A.M., shaved, put on my makeup and dressed in pants and a top with matching flats for an early morning walk.

I was only a few blocks from home at 5 A.M. when I saw a policeman going the opposite direction on a main thoroughfare a block away. I continued to walk in the direction I was headed. I reflected that an encounter with a policeman was to be avoided because I am too well known around town to open myself to such an event. In retrospect, I could be said to be taking unnecessary risks, but then something in me compells me to be out and about as a woman.

To my great surprise, the policeman turned around out of view and pulled up beside me as I walked down the street. He lowered the window on the passenger side and said, "Mam." I was so stunned that I quickly turned around without answering and started walking briskly in the opposite direction. The policeman turned his cruiser around in a flash and was beside me again. I was afraid to run because I thought he would likely catch me and might soon call for assistance, so I stopped. He asked what I was doing. I told him in my male voice that I was taking a morning walk and that I liked walking at that time. I am not sure why I was afraid to speak in Annette’s voice, but I was. The policeman alternately called me Mam and Sir because I was dressed as a woman but sounded like a man. After several questions, including asking for identification and asking my name, he got a radio call. I told him did not have any identification on me, which was true, and that I would rather not tell him my name. I further declared that wasn’t doing anything wrong. Finally, he said he would let me go if I promised to go straight home. At that, I took off for home, but chose an indirect route. I am not sure what may have happened in the absence of the call the policemen got. That event was perhaps one of the scariest moments of my life. What humiliation would have come to me and my wife should I been arrested? That event put real fear into me.

Stopped While With Other CDs

My second encounter with a policeman was as a passenger in a king cab pickup truck. The driver had barely crossed a yellow line as she turned a corner in downtown Raleigh, NC. The three of us in the vehicle had just left a Tri-Ess chapter meeting and were on the way to a nightclub. Once the officer obtained the driver’s license and registration from the driver, she asked, "How do I know that this is you?" The driver answered in full male voice that we had just come from a transgendered support group meeting and were on our way to a nightclub. After checking the documentation, the officer let us go without issuing a citation. Forthrightness was obviously the correct action.

Stopped While In Route to a Restaurant

The third time a police officer stopped me I had just left the January 2007 Tri-Ess chapter meeting in Myrtle Beach, SC, at about 9 P.M. Several chapter members and I were on our way to a nearby restaurant. A police officer fell in behind me as I exited the parking lot where we hold our monthly meetings. The officer stayed right behind me for several blocks. Finally at a stoplight, he turned on his blue light. I pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall and waited for the officer to come to my vehicle.

I could not imagine why I was being stopped. I knew that I was not speeding and that I had come to a full and complete stop at every stop sign and stoplight. As expected, the officer asked for my driver’s license and registration. I was surprised when he told me that my license tag had expired. As it turned out, I was six days overdue in renewing my tags. I had not gotten a renewal notice forwarded to me from a part-year residence. The US Postal Service, per a DMV requirement, does not forward such documents. Oops!

Interestingly, the police officer did not comment on the fact that my driver’s license shows a male name and there I sat presenting as a female. After several minutes wait, another policeman arrived in his cruiser. The two officers chatted for a several minutes. (I’d like to have heard that conversation. Well, maybe not.) Then the second officer came to my vehicle to retrieve my registration, which I had not found before the first officer returned to his vehicle to validate my driver’s license. Obviously, a buddy came to see the crossdresser who he had stopped. The two of them probably had a big laugh about that later.

The officer advised me that if I renewed my tag before the court date three weeks hence, the $128 fine would be dropped. Of course, I promptly renewed the tags. Since I was stopped en femme, I want to see the Clerk of Court with the renewal documentation in hand dressed en femme. She photo copied my outdated and my renewed registration documents and marked my copy of the ticket “Dismissed.” As she handed the originals back to me, she said, “Here you are, Hon.” What a great day that turned out to be.

The Do’s and Don’ts

The Myrtle Beach police officer who spoke at our regular chapter meeting did his homework before coming. He said that officers in the Myrtle Beach police force get training in dealing with transgendered people, which is a fact members appreciated hearing.

On the male/female bathroom question, he said there is no law in the state of South Carolina that prohibits CDs or TSs from using the bathroom opposite their birth sex. He said CDs should always stop when a police officer signals for them to do so. The exception might be in an unsafe area. Then you should go to a place where others can see you being pulled over. (Some vehicles with blue lights are not police vehicles, but are used by predators instead.)

CDs should always provide a police officer proper documentation when asked. A card that indicates a CD is transgendered would be helpful. (Cards of this type are available from several sources. One through Tri-Ess National (a Virginia Chapter) and another for members of Sigma Mu Beta from the chapter VP.)

If a CD be arrested and taken to jail for any reason, the arresting officer should be asked to separate the CD from other incarcerated people. Personal safety is the important consideration here.

Love, Annette

Travels to Florida Partly En Femme

This past week my wife and I traveled from our home in Myrtle Beach to central Florida to visit friends. We stayed four days with a couple close to us whom we first came to know in Northern Virginia where we lived most of our lives. After sightseeing and boating with our friends, we planned to visit other friends in Lakeland, Florida, a few miles further south. Unfortunately, our friend Rod called to say that his wife Inez was ill and not up to having visitors. We then stuck out on our own.

One of the pleasing things that happened late in the trip was my wife permitting me to dress two days while we went sightseeing. Dressing in the presence of our friends was not possible. I gave thought to telling them of my gender orientation, but decided against it. My wife would have had a far greater problem discussing the "who I am" with our friends than I think our friends would have had knowing that I am not the person they thought me to be. Our friends often refer to people who see things only one way as bigots. That suggests an open mindedness on their part.

After our visit with our friends, my wife and I arrived in the early evening in Saint Augustine, Florida, following a visit to the Lakeland Baptist Church On the Mall Sunday morning. It was amazing to see a former shopping mall converted into a church, a very large church. Parking was not an issue.

I obliquely told my wife that I would like to dress en femme before going to dinner with her the evening we arrived in St. Augustine. She made clear that she did not think that was a good idea. The next morning, without raising the subject again, I dressed in male mode. When she saw my attire, she said that she thought I was going to dress en femme. I commented that she was against my dressing en femme the night before and that I would remain dressed as a male. After breakfast, she again said that I still could dress before going sightseeing. Not wanting to push it, I declined.

The next morning I asked my wife if she objected to me dressing as Annette. She said that it was up to me. Those were nice words to hear. It was indeed gratifying to get dressed en femme after five days in drab. We had a great time seeing the sights in Saint Augustine. I highly recommend a visit to the city, which was first inhabited by Europeans in 1513, well before the Mayflower landed in 1620 in Plymouth, Massachusetts. Plan to stay three full days if you want see all that St. Augustine has to offer. Under the "go slow policy" of bringing your SO along, this was a clear step forward for me and my wife in genderland.

Two days after we returned home, my wife left our house in the early morning to attend an art class offered by the Adult Education Center in Myrtle Beach. As soon as she left, I showered, put on my makeup and dressed to go out to run a few errands and to have lunch. I did not expect my wife home until about 2 P.M. Just as I was about to leave our home, my wife returned. The art class she was to attend had been cancelled. I told her (more like asked her) that I was going out to run errands. She said OK. When I came home a few hours later, I remained dressed for a while. This was space my wife normally allowed me to have for dressing, that is, when she is away for several hours. She did not frown or ask me to change back into male clothes. Another step forward in genderland.

Once when she passed near me as she was walking though the house, she asked why I was I wearing boots. I told her that it was cold outside when I left the house and that I had bought the boots at a bargain price last winter. She then commented that she had not asked how much I paid for the boots or when I bought them. She noted that she had counted 22 pairs of femme shoes in my closet. Actually, she miscounted. I have 33 pairs of femme shoes. After saying that she doesn’t buy boots for herself, she said, “You are over doing it, young lady.” I said OK, but was I ever tickled over her comment. Her remark brought an immediate smile to my face. I truly enjoyed the reference to “young lady.” The remark was so unexpected. What a trip it was.

All the Best,

Annette

Laser Hair Removal--Good Move

Well, today I started a new purge, not one of discarding my femme things, as most of us have repeated done in the past, but one to rid myself of body hair. Today's purge is the first of a multi-part series with a laser hair removal specialist, Dr. Siena Shields Alford. She treated my hands, full arms, and underarms. There was some pain involved when it came to the more tender spots under my arms and on the tops of my fingers, but overall there wasn't much more of a sensation to the skin than the pop of a rubber band pulled back only a short distance before release.

Amazingly, I saw near immediate results. About an hour after the treatment was over, some of the hair on my hands and arms just fell out. Dr. Alford said that since most of my hair is dark in color I could expect good results. I was impressed with her skill. She treated both arms and my underarms in about an hour. She uses a Yag-type laser that she said does a good job of hair removal on most skin types.

I researched various laser and electrolysis hair removal clinics and found that Dr. Alford's price for hair removal of various body parts is lower than all other practioners I checked. I also liked the fact that I was able to come to the session dressed and was treated like a lady. She had no problem with me removing my blouse, revealing my bra, while the was treatment administered to my arms and underarms.

The next treatment of the five-part series to my arms and underarms is scheduled in four weeks. In the meantime, I plan to start separate five-part treatments to my chest and full legs in about two weeks. I will also undergo treatment to my beard.

The reason I started body hair removal with my hands and arms first relates to cuts and nicks. To maintain a semblance of a femme appearance while dressed, I must shave my arms and hands every day. It is a task I very much dislike. No matter which non-electric method of shaving I've used, the nicks and cuts occur far too often. Using an electric razor isn't satisfactory either. Too many hairs are missed with that method. My hope is that I will have smooth, no-stubble skin after the fourth treatment is finished.

As I was driving to the doctor's office, I thought how nice it is to be doing something that helps me match the outward appearance of the person I believe myself to be inwardly. Some may comment negatively about my hairless arms when I am in male mode, as my older son did when he noticed that I had started shaving my arms, but then I am willing to live with that. It is a small step for me in transgenderland, but it is a step I cherish.