Neighbors Who Know For Sure--Guessing Not Needed Any More
Yesterday I called the neighbor who saw me dressed a few days ago as I got out of my car and went into my house. I asked if I could speak with her and her husband (See Annette’s Blog item “Caught by a Neighbor“). She promptly invited me into their home. I wore dressy casual male attire.
After a few minutes of pleasantries, I commented on having been seen dressed as a female. I told the two of them, who are in their late 60s, much of my story as a transgendered male to female during the hour I visited with them. Both said they appreciated my coming to talk with them. The husband said he would pray for me and my wife. I thanked them for their understanding and asked that the subject not be broached with my wife. I also told them of my wife’s on-again, off-again relationship to me as her transgendered husband. They said they will keep the information I shared with them just between us. At this point, I have no reason to believe they will not honor that commitment.
How and when I tell my wife of the discussion I had with our neighbors is a question that I will ponder for some time, though not so long as to allow the neighborhood gossips to say anything to her about me. I am not sure how she will react to me confirming my transgendered status with our next door neighbors. Before I spoke with our neighbors, she said she believes these and other neighbors already know that I am a crossdresser. Of course she is an absolutely correct about that. There have been too many occurrences with me dressed for others in the neighborhood not to suspect that a transgendered person lives in their midst.
A major question for my wife is whether she can accept the fact the others know that she is married to a crossdresser. I hope I have not made a mistake in being open with our neighbors about who I am. Until this point, neighbors may have had suspicions, but now at least two neighbors know for sure just who I am. One friend advised beforehand that I should ignore the fact that I was seen en femme by neighbors. “Keep them guessing” was her thought. Maybe so. I will just have to see over time.
One of the points I raised with my neighbors is that they are likely to see me dressed en femme again. I said I am trying to be discreet about my being transgendered, but even though I will continue to take precautions to avoid being seen dressed in the neighborhood, inevitably I am likely to be seen again. They both said they would not be bothered should they see me dressed again. Actually, being seen dressed en femme is not an issue for me with regard to what neighbors may think. It is an issue for my wife. That is the principal reason I care what others may say. Since my expression of gender is not just about me, I care about my wife’s feelings and therefore try my best to accommodate her concerns.
This whole issue is for me a major distracter. It makes me grit my teeth over the frustration of being judged negatively for who I am. One friend told me that he grew tired of living only in the “expected” role. He said that what happened to him was anger balled up inside of him over the external restrictions he faced for being himself. Those feelings forced him to out himself to everyone--family, friends, neighbors, the works. I am not there, but I imagine the internal battle he felt is one that seems to be developing inside me.
I must admit that one of the motivations for telling my next door neighbors that I am transgendered was to educate them. I told them that I have spoken to several classes of college students on crossdressing and T matters--about 1,000 students in all. I also mentioned that I have read more than 20 books on gender issues and lived with being transgendered since the age of 5. I do not know where this effort places me on the knowledge base of gender issues, but I think I am at least past the front door.
The information I gave my neighbors seemed well received and much appreciated. I was nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof over the idea of an open discussion with people who know my true identity as a crossdresser. Until now only my wife and my best friend possessed that knowledge. Tri-Ess chapter members and others in support groups I have attended only know me as Annette. I found it to be a far different thing to speak to someone as my male self about being transgendered than to talk on the same topic to others as Annette--a big, big difference.
Has anyone faced this issue in the manner I’ve described here? If so, how did you handle the situation?
Love,
Annette
After a few minutes of pleasantries, I commented on having been seen dressed as a female. I told the two of them, who are in their late 60s, much of my story as a transgendered male to female during the hour I visited with them. Both said they appreciated my coming to talk with them. The husband said he would pray for me and my wife. I thanked them for their understanding and asked that the subject not be broached with my wife. I also told them of my wife’s on-again, off-again relationship to me as her transgendered husband. They said they will keep the information I shared with them just between us. At this point, I have no reason to believe they will not honor that commitment.
How and when I tell my wife of the discussion I had with our neighbors is a question that I will ponder for some time, though not so long as to allow the neighborhood gossips to say anything to her about me. I am not sure how she will react to me confirming my transgendered status with our next door neighbors. Before I spoke with our neighbors, she said she believes these and other neighbors already know that I am a crossdresser. Of course she is an absolutely correct about that. There have been too many occurrences with me dressed for others in the neighborhood not to suspect that a transgendered person lives in their midst.
A major question for my wife is whether she can accept the fact the others know that she is married to a crossdresser. I hope I have not made a mistake in being open with our neighbors about who I am. Until this point, neighbors may have had suspicions, but now at least two neighbors know for sure just who I am. One friend advised beforehand that I should ignore the fact that I was seen en femme by neighbors. “Keep them guessing” was her thought. Maybe so. I will just have to see over time.
One of the points I raised with my neighbors is that they are likely to see me dressed en femme again. I said I am trying to be discreet about my being transgendered, but even though I will continue to take precautions to avoid being seen dressed in the neighborhood, inevitably I am likely to be seen again. They both said they would not be bothered should they see me dressed again. Actually, being seen dressed en femme is not an issue for me with regard to what neighbors may think. It is an issue for my wife. That is the principal reason I care what others may say. Since my expression of gender is not just about me, I care about my wife’s feelings and therefore try my best to accommodate her concerns.
This whole issue is for me a major distracter. It makes me grit my teeth over the frustration of being judged negatively for who I am. One friend told me that he grew tired of living only in the “expected” role. He said that what happened to him was anger balled up inside of him over the external restrictions he faced for being himself. Those feelings forced him to out himself to everyone--family, friends, neighbors, the works. I am not there, but I imagine the internal battle he felt is one that seems to be developing inside me.
I must admit that one of the motivations for telling my next door neighbors that I am transgendered was to educate them. I told them that I have spoken to several classes of college students on crossdressing and T matters--about 1,000 students in all. I also mentioned that I have read more than 20 books on gender issues and lived with being transgendered since the age of 5. I do not know where this effort places me on the knowledge base of gender issues, but I think I am at least past the front door.
The information I gave my neighbors seemed well received and much appreciated. I was nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof over the idea of an open discussion with people who know my true identity as a crossdresser. Until now only my wife and my best friend possessed that knowledge. Tri-Ess chapter members and others in support groups I have attended only know me as Annette. I found it to be a far different thing to speak to someone as my male self about being transgendered than to talk on the same topic to others as Annette--a big, big difference.
Has anyone faced this issue in the manner I’ve described here? If so, how did you handle the situation?
Love,
Annette
posted by Annette @ 7/11/2008 10:23:00 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:43 AM,
The Crossdresser's Girlfriend said…
When Jeanie and I became involved, it occured to me that my family would be unable to accept Jeanie's cross dressing. During a conversation with my Daddy-a 50 something hippie who fought his father over wanting to grow his hair long, the discussion of drag queens came up. He says, "You know, there are straight men who dress like women but they aren't called drag queens. They are called Cross Dressers." I saw it as a sign and said, "Dad, Jean is a cross dresser." He was quiet a moment and said, "Well, it's whatever puts lead in your pencil." I figured if my Dad could be okay with it, others would follow suit. With the exception of my Baptist Grandmother, I haven't felt a need to not disclose that Jeanie is just as hot in a dress as in pants. Did you ever tell your wife?
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